Robin Borough: My Dale Carnegie insights

This is from Chapter 6 – How to Make People Like You Instantly “There is one all-important law of human conduct. If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble. In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness. But the very instant we break the law, we shall get into endless trouble. The law is this: Always make the other person feel important. John Dewey, said that the desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature; and William James said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated”. Here’s what I think about that. When I was 20 years old and dating my “husband-to-be”, Mark, I decided to take a few classes at L.I.F.E. Bible College, where Mark attended. One of our instructors, Dorothy Jean, was the sage of the campus. Dorothy Jean was wise, witty and had a profound ability to understand people and provide exacting, uplifting counsel. I had a huge desire to learn how to counsel people (I believed this would make more people like me instantly) so I asked Dorothy Jean what I needed to study and learn so that one day I could also be a great, sagacious counselor like her. Hoping Dorothy Jean would lay out a precise roadmap of everything I needed to study, I stood ready with my pen and paper. Dorothy Jean’s advice to me was simple, so simple that it passed completely over my head. She said, “Robin, it’s not what you say to people that matters. You need to learn how to listen.” I already thought I was a good listener, so I didn’t “hear” Dorothy Jean’s meaning. Over 20 years have passed now and I’ve contemplated that advice many, many times throughout my life. What Dorothy Jean was really saying was: It’s not about you… it’s about the other person! Dale Carnegie’s excellent guidance to Always make the other person feel important, for me, comes down to listening. When I stop “listening” to myself and start listening to the other person, I can begin to apply the tips Carnegie speaks of. Great suggestions are to ask myself, “What about this person do I admire?”, and to be “Hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise”. This is sound advice but I can’t do these things unless I listen and pay attention to the other person. Seems simple, but this is taking me a lifetime to perfect. I have many little stories of how I am applying Mr. Carnegie’s advice, but you’ll have to keep returning to the BLOG to find out about them!