On Losing a Job and Finding One’s Self
Contrary to how easy or fun Donald Trump may make it seem, the hardest thing for most bosses to do is fire an employee. This act is among the most brutal of human judgment calls. One is judging that another is unworthy, or even harmful to their process. All too often, this necessary act of business spreads bad will and is forever seen by the one fired as an unfair decision, generating lifelong animosity toward that boss and a lingering insecurity about the employee's own inadequacy.
We all know that sometimes it just doesn’t work out between an employer and an employee. For a variety of reasons, sometimes they must part ways as determined by the employer’s assessment of the situation. But how can this distasteful, and often mutually painful, process happen in a more positive way – preferably, with respect and dignity?
As CEO of a 70-person publishing company, I had to hire and fire many people over the years. Hiring was easy, and fun. Firing was painful and soul searching. I think I got it right occasionally, and look back on the others as situations that could have been handled better. The first one that I got right was when I started to approach this from the point of view of Dale Carnegie’s admonition to “Allow the other person to save face.”
Linda was someone with a good degree of intelligence. She was attractive, fun to be around, and, unfortunately for those around her in my publishing company, stuck in a job that was not suited to her interests. Many employees are in similar situations. They feel stuck in one place while their heart or mind is in another. Many of those people go along, making the best of their situations, marking time, until some opportunity in their lives opens up a new door leading toward an area of greater interest to them.
In Linda’s case, she was a magazine editorial assistant who wanted to be an actor. There was no job at our company that would bring her closer to her heart’s delight, much as we tried to find a good fit for her. Her presence became increasingly disruptive to those around her as her frustration grew from internal to external. Eventually something had to be done about it.
My partners said, “Fire her.” But I was torn because I knew she was good, smart, and someone one I truly liked as a person. But, I agreed that she was in the wrong place and had to go.
On that fateful day, I called her into my office. She wasn’t sure what was coming and probably sensed that I was fidgety and nervous about the “judgment call” I had to make. But then something occurred to me. Rather than create a confrontation with her, I felt a compassion for the “real” person she was and started by asking her about her dream for her success in life. I asked her what was her heart’s desire? She told me she had always wanted to be on the stage, in live theater. She hadn’t had the nerve to give up the “safe job” and take the risk of putting herself out there to do what she really dreamed about in her ideal scenario. I listened to her for what seemed like a long time and got to understand the passion and brilliance she possessed.
At the end of her emotional response, I looked at her sincerely and said, “Linda, you are a fantastic person, but you know you really don’t belong here. You belong fulfilling your desire. You have passion and talent that is going to waste the longer you spend here. And, unfortunately for us, your distraction is not helping to build our company in the best way that we need to have. I think it’s time for you to move on and do what you need to do to be happy and successful.”
I didn’t immediately realize it but that conversation gave her a release, an acknowledgement that it was OK to pursue her dream. We continued the discussion very amicably and constructively as to how to best unwind from our operation and begin the steps to what would become the next phase of her life. It became a pep talk about her future. At the end of our talk she stood up, walked over to me and gave me one of the most sincere hugs I think I had ever received. She stayed for another two weeks, finished up her assignments very pleasantly and efficiently, trained the new guy, and made her graceful exit from our publishing company.
About two years later I was talking with a couple of long time employees who had stayed in touch with Linda since her departure. They told me she had already performed in several Broadway productions and had just gotten a role opposite Richard Gere in a new film in production. My heart warmed over with pride and admiration for Linda – a good person who was able to pursue her dream, and for my good fortune in having been in the position to encourage her to move on toward her destiny.
Comments