BookClub

Corina Ta: My experience with Dale Carnegie

The book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie is an amazing book. It touched my life with the experience of how Dale gave an example where the Dad had scolded his boy when he didn’t meet his expectations. The boy constantly made mistakes which disappointed his dad. His dad threatened and criticized him for not giving him the reward if he didn’t complete them. One of Dale’s rules is not to criticize others but be appreciative towards others. Dale Carnegie made me realized that I’ve made mistakes with my daughter, Celine. After I heard the example that was presented, I was so embarrassed because I’ve been doing the same her. I sat there and thought back on the things I have done. I expected her to prioritize her homework, clean her room, and do well in time management. Celine hardly did anything I asked and she constantly had to be reminded to clean her room. In addition, she always read her novel before doing her homework first, although reading is required as part of her homework. Her time management skills were poor because she didn’t prioritize well. In my opinion, both time management and priority are very important. I wanted her to know that and expected her to do so. I got so upset when she didn’t prioritize well or do as I asked. The more I pushed, the more I drew her away from me. She is daddy’s little girl. Dale made me understand that I expected too much from Celine. She’s only 8 years old and I was training her to be an adult so she would be prepared for her future. I have a different perspective now. Time management is important but should not be a high expectation from a child. I don’t expect her to manage her time now; I let her go at her own pace. However, I walked her through the steps where I felt she needed to improve by explaining what it meant to make something a “high priority”. Then she was able to recognize her priorities from high to low. Things have improved tremendously because her work gets done on time and she understands my expectations of her for the weekend. She gets to go out more often and I’m happy to bring her along with me. Our mother / daughter relationship has grown because now we carry on a more in-depth conversation than ever before. For the past few weeks, Celine and I have bonded well. We went shopping and played a Monopoly game. I let her know how proud I am of her improvements and she gets to pick an expensive gift for her upcoming birthday. Celine and I have become closer and more personal towards each other. I’m so happy that I’m no longer being the bad person in the family.

Sondra Feser: How DC’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” has already begun to change my life

Wow, what an amazing book! I’m not even finished reading it and already I’ve been inspired more than I ever thought I would!! I knew that this was a great book for reading purposes, but I didn’t know just what Dale had in store for me. I feel like I was given a little treasure chest, and was delighted like a child to discover all the sparkly gems and jewels it had inside!

I think the most profound thing for me so far has been the following quote:
“I shall pass this way but once. If there is any good I can do anyone, let it be done…for I shall NOT pass this way again.”

My fiancée, Bryan, has been working very hard at his job this past year, putting in so many hours of overtime, at sometimes very grueling times of the day. Go to work early in the morning, work until late, go back in around midnight, get home around 4am, get on a 4:30am conference call, and then get up and start all over again the next morning. That has been his schedule, thus it has been our daily life. I have been so very impressed by his ability to do this willingly and not only take on MORE responsibility all the time, but continue to enjoy what he does! There has been barely a complaint heard from him (just what any of us would be unhappy with), but the stress is usually visible on him by the time he gets home. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I have started to take this for granted as “just the same as always” instead of recognizing just how difficult this schedule is on him. Usually his stress and pent-up frustration was met with my own day’s stress and worry…the empty words of “how was your day today?” “fine, and how was yours?” “fine” just wasn’t working to diffuse the stress of the day for either of us.

The day that I started listening to DC’s wonderful words of wisdom I was inspired to try a little “DC Medicine” because nothing else I’d tried up to that point had helped. I didn’t really believe it would work but...well let me just tell you what happened…

As always, Bryan worked late that night, and I managed to catch him on the phone just as he was leaving the office. Just as I have for so many nights before, I heard exhaustion in his voice from all the “fires” he had been putting out all day. This night was different for me, however, as I had JUST been listening intently to the book. I asked him softly with sincerity, in a way I don’t remember doing before (this time I realized I honestly wanted to know) “How was your day honey? Tell me all about what you did today!” and I quietly waited. There was a pause, and then a tired sigh…and he then proceeded to go into all the details of his day. From each new “fire” that came up, to conference calls, to lunch, to meetings…and then it started turning towards things that made him laugh, and good conversations he’d had. During all of this I just listened, commented where necessary, but mostly said nothing and didn’t interrupt him even once. For the first time I had just allowed him to immediately let out the “steam” that had been building all day. He spoke calmly, even about the negative things that had happened, and by the time he was done he actually sounded happy. Immediately after finishing his final sentence it was like he had a realization…and then he did something I did not expect: he asked ME with excitement “how was YOUR day? Tell me about everything happening in your Omnikron world!” I had been listening so intently to his story that I never took the time to think about “what I would say next” to such a degree that I couldn’t think of what to say!
The rest of our evening was like a brand new experience for us both! We had dinner, we laughed, and we talked about everything and anything that came up - but work never came up again. And afterwards I had my awakening; I need to sincerely ask Bryan about work and then listen every day! If something seemingly so simple as a sincere question followed by a sympathetic ear can change an evening; just imagine what other little “sparkly gems” can be discovered by the rest of the book! It has the power to change the way you think about life, people, and the world…not just while reading it, but every moment of every day!!

Brice Benefil: My personal story - Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends & Influence People”

After reading this very enlightening book it brought out an adrenaline rush of emotions varying from, ‘ Wow, how come I am not doing that now ‘ or ‘ Just think if I had truly applied those principles consistently in my career and personal life’. This book is a “no-brainer” type read with information that most of the human either knows or should know yet the vast majority of us really don’t exercise for one reason or the other. To me, that is what makes this book genius. In a world with fast moving technology and short-cuts taken to communicate with each other, it is important for us to come back to the basics and apply these principles in every facet of our personal and business lives. This book has personally inspired me to really focus on applying these principles and consciously monitor myself and my actions. In my career, I deal with people’s livelihoods on a daily basis and I know it is important to build lasting relationships and treat people with the respect they deserve and desire. But….do I really know the tried and true principles on how to accomplish this. I thought I did until I read this book. (Several times actually) In my earlier life I grew up as a shy person that was out of my comfort zone if I had to be talkative and really go out of my way to introduce myself or carry on a conversation. I attribute this mostly to my relationship with my father as I was never really encouraged to express myself and talk openly unless I was asked to. My father was a very rigid blue collar type that thought that men who were talkative or expressed openness to others were too soft and not a real man. So….I grew up with this psyche that I should keep my mouth shut unless asked for an opinion. I have also come to learn that most people criticize each other to make themselves feel better which I see is a weakness in our own selves. I myself I am guilty as charged. I have recalled times where I have criticized someone close to me because I was unwilling to accept the fact that everyone is not like myself or nor should they be. It was a lack of willingness to sincerely understand the other person’s point of view and the fact that everyone is different and that is what makes people so great. I wouldn’t want everyone to be the same. That would be mundane and uneventful. After reading this book and meeting individuals who have made a lasting impression on me along the way in my adult life, I truly understand that my father’s philosophy was one bred from a lack of confidence and a feeling of having to maintain a tough exterior to be a man. I have seen myself evolve over the past decade in trying to change my father’s philosophy that he instilled upon me into one of a more daring and open approach to people without having that fear of rejection and failure cast over me. As I continue to move forward in my personal and professional life, it is simple. If a person can master the art of human relations they will become the richest person on the planet and I am not talking monetary value either. So, as I take important principles away from this book I will strive to focus on these important points:
Don’t Criticize others because they don’t agree with you or are different than you Learn to truly appreciate the difference in all us.
When dealing with people, make a sincere approach to find out what others want and need, not what you yourself wants
Make a strong effort to remember someone’s name and what their passions are, it will make you feel great
It doesn’t hurt to smile, it won’t make you soft, it will only make the day that much brighter

Basu Ghosh: How I Apply Dale Carnegie's teaching in my life

I had known about the book “How Win Friends and Influence People” for a long time. It had been mostly hearsay, mostly in a negative context. Meaning, I heard it mostly in the context of people talking about someone having such poor people skills that they need to read Dale Carnegie. I stumbled on to it as I was exploring books to download from audible.com. I can’t remember any other book having such an impact on me. Ever since I listened to the book for the very first time, I have listened to it 3 or 4 more times, sometimes part of it sometimes all of it. I some times listened while I was alone; sometimes I have shared the listening with friends and family while driving long distance (using the FM transmitter tools available from third party vendors). Each time I have listened to it, I got something out of it that I missed the previous times. I have a lot to share about how the wisdom learned from this book has improved my life. I want to take my time in sharing this with you because I will continue to add postings on an on-going basis. This is just the first of many postings. We all have natural tendencies. Dale Carnegie spells out nine different principles. Some of them are easy for me to adopt because they are part of my natural tendencies, but some others are either counter intuitive or counter to my nature and I have a hard time in making them an integral part of my being. Let me give a couple of examples: Don’t get into an argument: This is one principle that I have to work at – it does not come to me naturally. Dale Carnegie (DC) says (I’m paraphrasing here), The best way to win an argument is not to get into one, because you can never win an argument, no matter how irrefutable your position or logic may be. Ever since I could talk, my family members (mother, brothers and sisters – I’m the youngest) tell me I have always gotten into debates and arguments. I can’t remember doing that when I was really young, but I distinctly remember getting into arguments with friends, family or colleagues; almost always trying to prove my point, and more importantly trying to get the other person to come around to subscribe to my point of view. Granted, as I have matured I do this less and less, but it wasn't until I read DC that I realized the futility of the effort. I have tried to recollect one instance in my entire life where I had debated someone into subscribing into my point of view, and I cannot. It is my opinion that people get into such verbal discourse for one of two reasons – 1) to get the other person to come around to subscribe to their point of view, 2) to show the other person how superior and smart they are. I cannot say what lies in the deep nooks and crannies of my psyche. But normally I get into an argument because I’m positive that I know the TRUTH and I want the other person to also have the benefit of knowing the truth. Or in other words, I want the other person to subscribe to my point of view. After listening to DC and after I was not able to recall a single instance where I debated someone into submitting to my way of thinking, I told myself, "What a waste of energy. I won’t get into such a futile effort ever again". Last weekend I was having dinner at a friend’s house. He had a cousin visiting from India – a very successful businessman in India. We were discussing the current economic environment in India and I commented how badly Nehru, first prime minister of India, had messed up the Indian economy with all the socialistic national programs and centralized government controlled economy. My friend’s cousin had a completely different view of Nehru’s socialistic program and thought they had been great for India. This is a subject that I have a very strong opinion about. Centralized and planned economies have been fully discredited through the collapse of the socialistic countries. I had plenty of ammunition about the subject to start a dining table debate because it is very common in the world I come from. However, with the recently acquired wisdom, I just nodded my head and moved on a less controversial topic. I saved myself some emotional argument, and saved my friend (host) and his family from having to sit through my discourse in which most of the people around the table would not have participated. In the past, walking away from such a situation would have made me feel that I did not do the right thing by not educating this (obviously ignorant - I'm just kidding) man to the finer points of the superiority of a capitalistic system over planned economies. Armed with the wisdom of DC I felt I saved myself, and everyone, from a ton of grief. Does that mean that I will never debate anyone under similar circumstances? The answer is no. I’ll debate people in the future. But I’ll do so knowing fully well that it would not change the mind of the other person, but mostly for verbal jousting amongst friends – because I still enjoy the intellectual stimulus of such a discourse.

Basu Ghosh: How I Apply Dale Carnegie's teaching in my life

I had known about the book “How Win Friends and Influence People” for a long time. It had been mostly hearsay, mostly in a negative context. Meaning, I heard it mostly in the context of people talking about someone having such poor people skills that they need to read Dale Carnegie. I stumbled on to it as I was exploring books to download from audible.com. I can’t remember any other book having such an impact on me. Ever since I listened to the book for the very first time, I have listened to it 3 or 4 more times, sometimes part of it sometimes all of it. I some times listened while I was alone; sometimes I have shared the listening with friends and family while driving long distance (using the FM transmitter tools available from third party vendors). Each time I have listened to it, I got something out of it that I missed the previous times. I have a lot to share about how the wisdom learned from this book has improved my life. I want to take my time in sharing this with you because I will continue to add postings on an on-going basis. This is just the first of many postings. We all have natural tendencies. Dale Carnegie spells out nine different principles. Some of them are easy for me to adopt because they are part of my natural tendencies, but some others are either counter intuitive or counter to my nature and I have a hard time in making them an integral part of my being. Let me give a couple of examples: Don’t get into an argument: This is one principle that I have to work at – it does not come to me naturally. Dale Carnegie (DC) says (I’m paraphrasing here), The best way to win an argument is not to get into one, because you can never win an argument, no matter how irrefutable your position or logic may be. Ever since I could talk, my family members (mother, brothers and sisters – I’m the youngest) tell me I have always gotten into debates and arguments. I can’t remember doing that when I was really young, but I distinctly remember getting into arguments with friends, family or colleagues; almost always trying to prove my point, and more importantly trying to get the other person to come around to subscribe to my point of view. Granted, as I have matured I do this less and less, but it wasn't until I read DC that I realized the futility of the effort. I have tried to recollect one instance in my entire life where I had debated someone into subscribing into my point of view, and I cannot. It is my opinion that people get into such verbal discourse for one of two reasons – 1) to get the other person to come around to subscribe to their point of view, 2) to show the other person how superior and smart they are. I cannot say what lies in the deep nooks and crannies of my psyche. But normally I get into an argument because I’m positive that I know the TRUTH and I want the other person to also have the benefit of knowing the truth. Or in other words, I want the other person to subscribe to my point of view. After listening to DC and after I was not able to recall a single instance where I debated someone into submitting to my way of thinking, I told myself, "What a waste of energy. I won’t get into such a futile effort ever again". Last weekend I was having dinner at a friend’s house. He had a cousin visiting from India – a very successful businessman in India. We were discussing the current economic environment in India and I commented how badly Nehru, first prime minister of India, had messed up the Indian economy with all the socialistic national programs and centralized government controlled economy. My friend’s cousin had a completely different view of Nehru’s socialistic program and thought they had been great for India. This is a subject that I have a very strong opinion about. Centralized and planned economies have been fully discredited through the collapse of the socialistic countries. I had plenty of ammunition about the subject to start a dining table debate because it is very common in the world I come from. However, with the recently acquired wisdom, I just nodded my head and moved on a less controversial topic. I saved myself some emotional argument, and saved my friend (host) and his family from having to sit through my discourse in which most of the people around the table would not have participated. In the past, walking away from such a situation would have made me feel that I did not do the right thing by not educating this (obviously ignorant - I'm just kidding) man to the finer points of the superiority of a capitalistic system over planned economies. Armed with the wisdom of DC I felt I saved myself, and everyone, from a ton of grief. Does that mean that I will never debate anyone under similar circumstances? The answer is no. I’ll debate people in the future. But I’ll do so knowing fully well that it would not change the mind of the other person, but mostly for verbal jousting amongst friends – because I still enjoy the intellectual stimulus of such a discourse.